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How To Be Honest

I am having problems with an admin of the book club that I am in. She said I was rude and condescending and passive aggressive.

For example, during a recent book club discussion, only 2 (me and another guy) had read the book fully. Some had watched the movie, and some had read the first one or two chapters of the book.

When there was a silence, T. asked me, "Don't you have any more questions for the book club? seeing that you have prepared so much notes?"

I replied, "The questions are more in-depth, and require people who have read the book fully. Since only two of us have read it fully, I want to keep the questions general."

And that was an example of how I was being condescending.

So I called her out on her double-standards. When she is direct, she is honest, but when I'm direct, I'm being rude and condscending and passive-aggressive? What I am to people is more a reflection of their own personality, than what my personality is. What I say is value-free--that is it is factual, without judgement or criticism--but others color their own prejudice to my sentences. How else could I have answered T's question and still be honest and direct at the same time?

Some people have said that I'm condescending, but others have said that I'm earnest. I'm the constant, it's what others bring in with them that is different. 


Oct. 2nd, 2016 05:21 am (UTC)
It's your own notes and you can ask from them or not. She shouldn't have put you on the spot. Since she did, what else was she expecting but to hear an honest answer. She doesn't know you, so calling people passive aggressive she's only talking about herself. I hope more people read the book next time!
Oct. 7th, 2016 03:31 pm (UTC)
it's nice to know an old friend is still reading this. :)

I'm just thinking how people understand other people is based on their own personality, and not truly reflective of the other party. Sigh. This has disturbed me a fair bit. I think about it now and then.