Our enthusiasm, as soon as it is externalized into action, is so naturally congealed into the cold calculation of interest or vanity, the one takes so easily the shape of the other, that we might confuse them together, doubt our own sincerity, deny goodness and love, if we did not know that the dead retain for a time the features of the living.

Henri Bergson's Creative Evolution.

BEST
Ted Hughes's Birthday Letters
After years of silence over the suicide of his wife, Sylvia Plath, who stuck her head in a gas oven, Poet Laureate Hughes came out with this collection of confessional poetry. Very moving and very narrative, very easy to understand. Every time I read it, and I must have read it twenty times or more, I cry.

Susanna Clarke's Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell
Young adult novel about two rival magicians, one talented and young, the other erudite and experienced. When I want a good cry, I'll read the quiet ending. It never fails to move me.

George Levine's Darwin Loves You.
Taught me to see beauty in the most ordinary thing, rats crossing the subway tracks, and this beauty is enough in the absence of a divine being. Hence, it taught me to be kind.

Oh and the Bible and Quran. Greatest stories ever told, so realistic people think they are for real, you know, like CGI animation these days.

Bryan: My friends are thinking of going to Jiu-Fen, Taiwan.

Albert (Hong Konger): Where is that?

I thought, "Duh? a place called Jiu-Fen in Taiwan?" and so I said facetiously, "Nine Shit." ["Jiu" means nine, and "fen" means shit although "fen" may be a homophone.]

Then we all laughed except Albert. He said stocially, "You Singaporeans have a weird sense of humor."

hamkey brought up an excellent point in my previous post, asking if I am trivializing gay novels by calling them gay novels like calling Princess Diaries chick lit. She hints that gay novels can have universal values, which gay and straight people can learn from. I want to correct this misconception because things need to change and the media are teaching the wrong things.

Brokeback Mountain is critically acclaimed and a box office hit precisely because it markets itself as "a love story, an universal story everyone can identify with." Good marketing strategy but it must be one of the most homophobic, most offensive campaigns ever. Like a racial minority with no voice, the marketing campaign completely negates and silences the gay experience. By not calling gay stories gay, it is as if homosexuality is so scary so forbidden and still so unspeakable that we must neutralize the poison by universalizing gay stories. So phew, now we are safe, now we're in a region of love stories, and yes, we straight people can identify with love. These straight people then pat themselves on their backs and think they are oh so liberal by watching Brokeback Mountain and liking it.

This morning, the foot hurts a little and my sister and her girlfriend very kindly drove me to a sinseh (traditional Chinese physician) who was recommended by Ryken. WOW, Chien Chi Tow has a chain of TEN stores, must be very profitable. We went to the main branch, which stretches over a few shops' space, and Physician Wei, on seeing my foot, asked if I run very often. I KNEW HE IS A TRUE PHYSICIAN! He can tell by my feet and calves that I'm a runner, have been running on and off since 16 even though I'm fat. After Physician Wei, the brother of the Big Boss (the big and bald model on the website) helped fix my foot for all three minutes! And then the Big Boss walked in and took a look at my foot. My heart was thumping so fast! like I saw a celebrity! In my sister's words, "Your feet are so huge it's so worth the money!" And the physicians took 30 minutes on my foot, which is twice the time spent on other patients. I love the royal treatment!

1. While jogging, I stepped on a hard fruit which was hiding in the shadow. I tripped, hurt my inner sole (an old injury) again, scraped my elbow, picked myself up and limped and jogged for the rest of 5km. I thought if I gave this up, what else wouldn't I give up?

Then I did push-ups! standard ones, spider and diamond pushups. I didn't know I could still do it. Foot still hurts, especially after standing up for 3 hours for my volunteer work.

2. Speaking about volunteer, I volunteered at another gay sauna, which was having a full moon night, which means NO CLOTHES. I'm an ass guy. All those asses! Perks--pun intended--of the job.

Went to volunteer with morbidity and his boyfriend at a bar today. As Jason Donovan sings "I'm not afraid of making my move," I introduced myself to another volunteer, The Artist, whom I like very much--I must make it clear that I introduce myself to everyone--and although I think he was interested too--he stood near me always--MY BEST FRIEND morbidity and his bf said I was delusional. That's what friends are for--calling each other nutcase. The Artist is an artist and I always like the sensitive artist sort. Morbidity said that Artist knows how to work his boyish doleful puppydog charm but I thought he is just being shy.

I asked Artist if he is seeing anymore. Yes, the irritating fly beside him the entire night, his boyfriend who wasn't volunteering. Ray, morbidity's bf, said he could understand The Fly's position. I said, where's there to be insecure about? Only those who are diffident about themselves will feel insecure. If the guy wants to stray, he will stray no matter what. Ray said, "But did you see how flirtatious Artist is? I'd be worried too if I were his boyfriend." I insisted he is shy, coming off as coy.

The Fly isn't cute and is twice Artist's age and he isn't even a volunteer, which makes me think he can be kinder. He also doesn't look like he appreciates art. (I DO! I DO!)

When Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me" came on, I very nearly wanted to turn to Artist and said, "The story of my life."

1. Was a witness at Chrsitine and Henry's solemnization today. It was a little strange because Christine, American, and Henry, English, are married in Singapore. They don't even intend to live here; they are returning to New York in December and Christine flew here just for a week for the wedding. Stranger still is the dress which Christine got on ebay; she sent the China tailors her measurements and the dress is done in a week!

Regardless, they are so so so happy and happiness is infectious. Research shows that when you're in the presence of happy people, you produce endorphins (happy hormones) of your own. I was very lucky to be there.

No one was at their solemnization except for me and another witness, Karen. The photographers were late and missed taking photos of the ceremony and still the gracious bride and the groom didn't mind. They were smiling and courteous to them. Such a great couple, this is how a wedding should be, relaxed, laidback and even if something happens, don't let it ruin your day. A wedding doesn't have to go as planned; don't be so uptight, bridzillas! A perfect wedding is a happy one.

I want to be married one day too. And I want to be married in Singapore. Please, please will Singapore move on with the times already?

1. It's very sad to see Heerens in such a dilapidated state. I remember we used to hang out there, sampling CDs at HMV, shopping at Mambo. It used to be cool. It used to be new, so new that it was the newest shopping complex in town. Now it's just a rundown mall with dim, fading lights and a place for old men and bears to cruise.

2. Outside Heerens, there is an ad of Nature Boy! He models for Singtel!



Ok, no, I lied. That's not Nature Boy, but a lookalike. Nature Boy looks older and more melancholic, not so sunshiny.

MPH Book Fair ROCKS. So many classics, award-winners, and GAY BOOKS. Who would have thought a Singapore bookshop has so many GAY BOOKS?

Sunday: I spent 6 hours browsing through books at the bookfair. I usually don't like to trouble my sister but the books are so heavy I can barely lift them so I asked her down to fetch me. At the counter, I discarded half of my book selection--the straight ones as I can get them any time--because they cost up to $200. So after halving my book selection at the counter, in front of the black-faced service staff, I have 20 gay books at $100.

My sister said, "Why is the book fair so empty?"

I said, "Not really. It's quite packed."

"You go and see the food fair in next hall!"

The food fair spanned across TWO halls and it was so packed, "packed like sardines" (an idiom I tell my students never to use).

After shopping at the food fair, I said to my sister, "Our food is even heavier than my books." Which is true! I am not exaggerating, ask my sis.

Speaking of food, doesn't this mango ice with pomelo dessert look so yummy?! I had it on Sunday!



This cake is so amazing:

My weekend is burnt by the volunteer work I do. This is a good weekend.

1. I helped out at Pelangi Pride Centre, it felt very good knowing so many booklovers in Singapore and they are a bunch of very very nice people. I was in my element, took the initiative to say hi to everyone, remembered all their names and added them on facebook. I should be in PR.

2. Then I drove to Sentosa to meet morbidity80 and his boyfriend who had a suite at Sentosa Resort. We had dinner by the beach, and took a stroll down the beach, passing several bars. And then I wished Nature Boy was here. How nice it would be to hold his hand on this cold, cold day. One day, I'll drive him all over Singapore just to touch all the beaches.

We returned to the hotel to hang out. The hotel, surrounded by only trees and darkness, is Balinese-styled and very quiet , only the crowing of peacocks and peahens. In the morning, the monkeys will vie for breakfast at the complimentary buffet. If you don't have time to travel overseas, you can resort to the Resorts. (And at this point, seeing how dark and quiet and romantic and bucolic the place was, I thought of Nature Boy again, of bringing him here. Today, after telling my sister how great the place is, she said that maybe we should book a room for New Year, but if things go smoothly, maybe my sister and I (+Nature) need separate rooms. However, checking the rates of the hotels, $2000 for 2 nights for 2 rooms! Sorry, Nature Boy, we have to pitch a tent at Pulau Ubin.)

Back to Saturday night after dinner by the beach and returning to the hotel to watch Monsters VS Aliens--which is a very smart animation, with references to E.T., Mars Attack, The Fly, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, etc--I felt like I was intruding on their privacy but Oh well.